I’m Just Not That Into You: Internet Addition

07Feb09

Facebook

Today I’m going to see He’s Just Not That Into You (from that simple little book that made us all a little too aware of the truth and a little too self righteous to do anything about it.) 

Recently, the bold and digital Libby Pigg passed on a little bit of yeahikindofknewthatbutdidn’teverwanttofaceit wisdom as well. As our dating lives become more intertwined with the Web, we’re no longer just waiting by the phone for our guy to call. We have Facebook, Twitter, MySpace and every other conceivable social network on refresh waiting for him to friend us, drop us a DM, maybe even send us a mixtape playlist via Blip (the ultimate sign of affection). 

Libby said we’re connected on every social network, so if he’s not responding, not trying to get in touch or poking back (and jeeze it doesn’t take 3 days to notice that on the Web), it’s completely deliberate. He’s just not that into you.

Delete. Delete. Delete. and move on. 

For better or worse (probably worse and I’ll still be single when I’m 85) I’ve always had the philosophy that if he or I wasn’t into it, it’s best to delete his # from my phone and move on. The beauty of the cell is that you never actually learn anyone’s # anymore so a deleted # is lost forever with no hope of reconnection via text during a moment of weakness. But now this requires deleting his #, unfriending, unfollowing, untagging… a little less simple and definitely more time consuming. And if you don’t, you’re doomed for a life of awkward wall posts, status comments and attempts to reconnect via the latest (and most annoying) app. No, I don’t want your pieces of flare… ever

But as Scott Brown described in Facebook Friendonomics, it’s complicated.

 “Fine, you can “Remove Friend,” but what kind of asshole actually does that? Deletion is scary—and, we’re told, unnecessary…I realize that I may lose a few Friends by saying this. I invite them to remove me. Though I think they’ll find it harder than they imagine. I’ve never lost a Friend, you see, and I’m starting to worry I never will.”

What are your thoughts? At what point do you realize that he’s not worth a second attempt to DM? How do you end a relationship (or casualwhatever) when you’re infinitely connected online?

Image via Kate O’Connor. Discovered via Something Changed.

-Amanda Mooney



4 Responses to “I’m Just Not That Into You: Internet Addition”

  1. Dating + Social Media definitely kicks things up a bit more in complexity. I’ve dated several girls that I’ve met at social media networking events, and things can get intertwined really quickly.

    Without thinking about it, you learn a lot about that person. While I like information, in dating sometimes its nice to have a slow flow of it and not already know a ton about them by the second date. God forbid you saw them on OKCupid or a dating site as well, and then you have a TON of information about them, which sometimes takes some of the fun mystery out of it (people put a lot of information on dating sites that they wouldn’t put elsewhere).

    Then there’s complex things like going on dates with multiple people casually. Not cheating, just you know… dating? You might have dinner with one person on Wed, and a movie with someone else on Friday and brunch with someone on Sunday. If they are all on Twitter/Facebook/etc then all of a sudden things can get weird quickly.

    If things do go well for you and you’re with that person exclusively then there’s almost a blow by blow account permanantly left on the internet about your relationship. Photos, youtube videos, tweets, facebook wall posts and gifts.

    And finally, then there’s what happens if you stop seeing someone. Maybe the date didn’t go so well, or maybe it was a long-term breakup. Either way, you keep bumping into them on Twitter and elsewhere. Do you block them? Do you delete them? Just ignore them?

    The politics of this are pretty insane and I don’t think many people have fully figured out the ‘answers’ yet. Hell, maybe “Dating in a Web 2.0 World” will be my next seminar at a Podcamp.

  2. First, I wish I had written this rather than having this conversation recently w/ a few people. Well done.

    Second, I have only deleted one person ever – merely for my own sanity. I did not want to see that he had moved on, was having fun, now is “in a relationship”, oh look they have photos together, now “is engaged” to her profile link (why is she private?), etc…

    UNHEALTHY and also known as digital stalking.

    I have a few people I have considered deleting lately, but haven’t.

    Why?

    I dont burn bridges. I still actually genuinely like these people, even if that feeling isnt returned. And yes, I agree with Scott – I invite them to delete me.

    That said, if it happens, I’ll be gutted and wish that I would have done it first. Dang. It just never ends.

  3. I have only unfriended one person on Facebook and that was because she 1) had blocked me from so much of her profile that I wasn’t even able to keep up w/ what she was doing and 2) had unfollowed me on Twitter. She basically made it very clear she didn’t want *me* as a friend, and had gone to lengths to block me without actually deleting me. I basically just put the nail in the coffin on an already dead relationship.

    I often use limited profile as a way to keep people I *really* don’t actually know from seeing personal information, pictures, comments from my friends and such. That kinda stuff doesn’t necessarily need to be shared with the whole world, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be FB friends with them and have them see my hobbies and what-not.

    I’ve only had this happen 1 time with a boy – and he blocked and unfollowed me on FB and Twitter. And that was that.

  4. 4 Aces

    Ah Allison,

    That’s exactly what my ex boyfriend has done to me today
    I actually forgave and took the louse back !
    We got back together and now he has suddenly blocked me off his facebook wall and deleted all comments i made on his photos and status updates over last several months !
    Last night I got anice voicemail and then today whammo.

    he wont talk to me or tell me what precipitated this.



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